#11: 个人经历中的阴影

《暗影(Umbra)》 这个项目在个人层面上对我来说非常重要。我开始在作品中研究阴影，但很快也意识到，要在工作中研究阴影的话，首先我必须以一种心理学的方式研究我自己的个人阴影。

我在22岁的时候失去了父亲，他结束了自己的生命。他有严重的头痛，虽然做了脑部手术，但仍然处于持续的疼痛中。所以他变得非常抑郁，最后选择结束了自己的生命。这对于整个家庭来说是一个巨大的冲击。许多年后，在2014年我开始这个项目这就像是再一次重温他的死亡。在很长一段时间里，当我年轻一点的时候，可能是20岁出头，我一直在与恐慌症作斗争。我对死亡有着强烈的恐惧。也许还因为我的父亲是一名医生，疾病和死亡总是以某种方式出现在家里。但我认为有趣的是，作为一名艺术家，你可以把你的作品作为一种催化剂，来处理这些个人挣扎。我认为《暗影(Umbra)》就是一个很好的例子。

The project "Umbra" was very important for me, on a very personal level. I set out investigating the shadow in my work, and I soon realized that to investigate the shadow in my work, I would have to investigate my own personal shadows on a kind of psychological way.

The thing is that I lost my father when I was 22, and he ended his own life, sadly. He always had severe headaches and he had a brain surgery, but still he was in constant pain. And so he got really depressed. And he ended his own life. And this came as a huge shock to the whole family.

Many years later, this whole project felt like revisiting his death one more time. For a very long time, when I was younger or in my early 20s, I had been struggling with panic attacks. And I had this very strong existential fear of death. Maybe also, because my father was a doctor, sickness and death were always kind of present in the house somehow. But I think it's interesting that as an artist, you can kind of use your work as a catalyst almost to deal with these personal struggles. I think "Umbra" is a good example of that.